


will my eyes be closed or open?

by Loreley



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, angst ahoy, could be interpreted various ways if you squint, extremely vague reference to suicide, harurin on honeymoon, how else to tag this weird thing??, romantic dweeb rin strikes again, there we go, troubled haru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2673374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley/pseuds/Loreley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"I go through all this, before you wake up..."</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rin and Haruka are abroad to enjoy time alone together, but not everything is quite as idyllic as it seems. How can one be oneself and 'free' yet completely committed to another?</p>
<p>Established Haru/Rin. Exploration of Haru's feelings, inspired by Bjork's "Hyper-ballad".<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	will my eyes be closed or open?

**Author's Note:**

> This little thing came about during an hour break between classes; the idea had been bouncing about in my head ever since I first listened to the lyrics of "Hyper-ballad". Bjork once said that the song was about the sacrifice of self one experiences in a relationship, and how one deals with that-- I could see Haru having such doubts, and dealing with them in a similar way.  
> I might add more to this concept someday; it really sort of wrote itself in a sudden way!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think! Thank you for taking a look~

The vase was still wet, though the flowers that it had held not long before seemed to already be well into the realm of memory; the suggestion of their former presence leaked in cold drops from the inverted lip of the vessel. They ran icily down Haru’s fingers, outlining where the tendons strained in the tenacious grip with which he held the vase’s neck. A trail was marked in the sand in spots of water, leading from the door of the cottage to the fenced edge of the world.

Presently he stood with one leg over the low wooden fence that marked the rapid change from safety to danger at the cliff’s edge. The decision was made in his mind, but he still had a moment to rethink his intentions-- he did not. He swung his leg over.

Far below where he stood, the ocean whipped and crashed against the rocks of the cliff’s base. The day was sunny and the wind was lazy, but along this shore the water always seemed so angry.

He had let Rin make the decision of where to go, and of course they had ended up abroad. Romantic, isn’t it? Haru didn’t know the language, but they place they stayed was secluded enough that he spent most of his time speaking only to Rin, besides. Even this water was unfamiliar, it was not his-- but it was still beautiful.

The flowers had been a gift from Rin. Haru appreciated the gesture, even if it wasn’t one he would have necessarily made himself. Rin knew that. So, he was summarily pleased when Haru had removed the fake flowers that had previously adorned the cottage table and used their home to display the spray of pink and red blooms that Rin had selected. _They have meanings, too,_ he had said, _but I only picked the ones that matched._

Of course he had.

Streaks of violet swept across the horizon, blurring the division between the orange sliver that was the sun and its reflection upon the water. It was early, and Rin had remained sound asleep when Haru rose from a slumber that had been faked for too many hours. The redhead had not stirred as his lover had taken the flowers from the table and scattered them across the room in crashing waves like the sea, dotting in shades of affection the carpet the table the bedsheets--

There was no reason for Rin to be awake so early. There was every reason for Haru to be, and still the vase chilled his hand, emptied of its evidence of the one he loved.

He was so happy that Rin was his. So, so impossibly happy that his dreams and his heart and his reality had all aligned as they did, that everything he had ever hoped for was not only possible, but _better_ than he had _known_ was possible.

There was no sacrifice of ‘self’ when Rin had always been such an important part of his ‘self’. To share his life with that person was of no difficulty to Haru, he was sure of it. The details were difficult, _Rin_ was difficult, but to spill their lives together was _easy._ It was a feeling that Makoto had told him was ‘inevitable’. Nagisa had called it ‘fate’.

_Fate--_ a force so great that it consumed his entire being and everything around it, a constricting red thread that tied his fingers and legs and throat--

Being free… surely this was what was meant, wasn’t it?

He did not throw the vase. Truly, he wasn’t entirely conscious of when his fingers uncurled, releasing it with something like tenderness, allowing it to pass quietly over the cliff edge. He watched it become smaller and smaller, shrinking. Then it became many small things, suddenly-- it scattered like tiny white flower petals across the rocks. A great blue ocean crest rose, and the pieces became part of the white foam, melting into nonexistence.

For a moment, Haru imagined himself in its place. Diving from a great height, shattered into many fragments, melting into the impossibly blue water. Washed away from perceivable existence. Becoming completely _free_ with eyes wide open.

Empty-handed, Haru dragged his legs heavily back over the fence and trudged back to the cottage. The sky and water were brightening slowly behind him, and he did not once turn to look back at it.

Rin was snoring into his pillow when Haru crawled back into bed. The redhead had curled into a ball at the absence of the warmth he had been clinging to the entirety of the night. When his dark world shifted beneath him, he unconsciously reached out to search for it again, and his hand bumped Haru’s back.

The sharp stiffening of this he had touched roused him; Rin’s snores melted into a sigh, and his eyes fluttered open in a faint crimson glow.

“Haru…?”

Nothing moved for a moment, bathed in the softness of that voice. Blearily he reached out again and traced his fingers slowly down the shadows of Haru’s spine, a smile teasing his lips. “Good morning…”

Haru’s shoulders relaxed nearly imperceptibly; much more suddenly, he turned onto his back to look at Rin. He said nothing-- _waiting--_ with eyes far too bright to have been clouded in sleep just seconds before.

This was not what Rin noticed, however. His gaze was drawn to a stain of red on the white pillow just above the dark cloud of Haru’s hair. Alarmed, he drew himself up onto his elbows to look more closely, then around the room.

The flowers-- _his flowers--_ were a fantasy in his eyes. Bathing the room in passionate tones, surrounding him and Haru as they had lay together, tying them close as the red string of fate… all of this, Haru could see playing in Rin’s expression that was rapidly melting into awe.

“It’s beautiful…! Haru!”

Haru smiled faintly, and shifted to nuzzle against his lover’s side. The morning was still quiet, so quiet, such that aside from Rin’s breaths, the only audible sound was that of the waves crashing against the distant shore. Sounds like breaking glass, far, far away.

“Good morning, Rin,” he whispered, and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr URL is fuchsiamelody. Let's talk swimming dorks and headcanon-jam. ^^


End file.
